Distress Tolerance - distracting from your thoughts.

Our thoughts are almost impossible to control and can be difficult to handle. Sometimes the best thing to do is to distract yourself, and your thoughts for the time being. Below are some examples of useful distractions when your thoughts are bugging you.

Distracting yourself by paying attention to someone else (Take the focus of you)

• Do something for someone else, like ask if your parents need any help with anything. Call someone and ask to take them for lunch. By a homeless person a cup of tea. Plan ahead and volunteer at a shelter for something you believe in.
• Take a attention of yourself by watching people. Go to the shops, café or library and notice things about people. How many people have blonde hair? Notice their dress sense, what they might do for a living or are they a student? Create stories for these people.
• Think of someone you love or admire and keep a photo of them in your purse.
• Plan ahead for a future birthday of a loved one. What presents can you get them? Could you take them somewhere nice?
• Make something for someone. A cake, card, maybe even sew something.

Distracting from your thoughts 

Sometimes when you really don’t want to think about something, it is all we can think about! So instead of trying to force yourself to get rid of these thoughts, it can be more useful to distract them. These tips are great for when you are out and about and can be done mostly anywhere. For example:

• Remember past events when you were happy. Where were you? Who were you with? Try to remember every detail, no matter how small. Write this memory down as you relive it.
• Imagine your fantasy future coming true. What would it consist of? Where would you live, what does your house look like? What are your kids like?
• Write down your favourite quotes and carry them with you
• Think of what you would say to someone in the past that has hurt you. Imagine being able to say anything to anyone. What would you say?

Distracting yourself with tasks and chores.

• Washing up
• House work
• Phone someone you haven’t spoken to in a while
• Organise
• Dye or cut your hair
• Polish your jewellery
• Throw away old clothes
• Sort of your finances
• Plan your career.

Make your own distraction plan using the activities above and also including your hobbies like reading/watching a film / shopping ect.

This is a photo of my sketchbook that I use when I'm in need of a distraction! Here I've painted a dream I had. 

Classic BPD thoughts...Part 1

These are thoughts that I personally deal with and are typical of a lot of people with BPD and other mental illnesses for that matter.

• 'Don't cry here, you can self harm later...' - Self harm is my safety blanket when I'm in a situation that I can't show my true feelings.
• 'If I get too close, they'll just leave me' - This is the classic fear of abandonment that comes hand in hand with BPD.
• 'Shut up Becky, you sound clingy' - I try to excuse or explain why I may have called someone tonnes of times, but the truth is I'm worried and I think they'll think I'm clingy.
• 'If they don't call you back, they obviously don't like you' - Any other reason can seem invalid
• 'Just be honest about how you feel...but then won't I seem attention seeking?'
• 'Your so stupid, why can't you just be happy?! Nothing is wrong!'
• 'Who am I? How do people see me?' - Lack of Identity is common and not having a sense of who you are can really make you question everything.
• 'Oh no my scars are healing, I'll have to self harm again.' - Once the cuts heal it feels like I should have healed inside as well, but often I haven't and cutting again is my way of showing how much emotional pain I still feel.

These are just a few of the overwhelming thoughts people with a mental illness can experience. In other blog posts I'll give some advice on how to overcome these thoughts and deal with them.


Hope everyone is keeping well.
Becky x

Coping thoughts

There is a list things you can say in your head or out-loud to help self soothe in distressing situation. It may be helpful to stick them around your room or carry them with you. These are all just examples and you can come up with your own. 

• 'This feeling shall pass' 
• 'I am strong enough to handle whatever come my way'
• 'I will survive this'
• 'Will this matter a year from now?'
• 'Everything happens for a reason'
• 'I am trying the best that I can'
• 'Im a survivor, not a victim' 
• 'This feeling is normal'
• 'Ive done this before so I can do it again' 
• 'I can take the time I need to relax while these feelings drift away'