20 mindfulness activities

We can (and should) practice being mindful every day. It's not always easy to start with, especially if you're stressed, but that is why you should! Here is a list of activities that you can try being mindful with. Fully concentrate on the task, letting any negative thoughts float away.

Some things to keep in mind or concentrate on while doing these tasks..

• The small details that you may have otherwise missed 
• The smells, textures or tastes around 
• any judgements that you think of while doing the activity. 

So let's get started with the list! (try something new from it)

1. Colouring in (there are plenty of adult colour books around now
2. Yoga
3. Walking in the countryside
4. Taking a bubble bath (too really focus on your senses, treat yourself to a nice bath bomb!)
5. Doing puzzles (crosswords, arrow words, jigsaw)
6. Learning about something that interests you 
7. Reading 
8. Drawing / doodling 
9. Breathing exercises 
10. Mediation
11. eating
12. Being mindful when strong emotions arise. where do you feel them? Is there any physical changes in your body?
13. Listening to music 
14. Watching a film
15. Walking the dog
16. Baking 
17. Write a novel 
18. Write a poem
19. Follow a tutorial or craft video
20. make or create something

Basically you can do most things mindfully! Give it a try today!

DBT skill - Radical Acceptance.

Sorry I haven't posted at all this year. I've been finding it difficult to master the strength to write blog posts. I'm currently in a difficult emotional state so I thought writing this post may help. 

Radical acceptance is one of the most useful and also the most difficult skill (I personally think) to master within DBT. 

So what is radical acceptance? 

This skill is designed to help stop your emotional suffering at a time when a situation cannot be changed. Many of us have unhelpful coping techniques that we may use to ignore the situation, for example self harm, drugs or alcohol. While these coping tools help us feel better in the short term, the long term damage to our bodies and mind can be devastating. Radical acceptance is about accepting the current situation or emotion, without fighting against it.

How does it help?

Accepting pain is the first step to feeling better, ignoring it only builds up the emotion leading to more pain in the future. Although it's very difficult to accept our pain, its a big part of life that we must come to terms with. 

How to radically accept 

• Acknowledge that pain is normal and won't last forever. 
• Allow yourself to really feel where the emotion is in your body. 
• Notice if you have thoughts to fight against the emotion ('I shouldn't feel this way' 'Its not fair')
• Remember that fighting against it will only make it worse in the long run. 

This skill comes under the model 'Distress tolerance' 

Keep practicing your skills! It gets better, believe me. 

Becky x 

Why Christmas isn't so merry for some...

Christmas for most is a jolly time, filled with family, food and of course presents! But for some its a tricky time of year.

Many who deal with mental illness find this season difficult, I know I particularly do when I'm expected to be 'merry'. This expectation sometimes makes me feel guilty when I am upset, blaming and forcing myself to feel better.

Christmas can also be a time when people feel most lonely. With everyone going to spending it with families, it can be difficult when you don't have alot of family or are even that close with them. It may that you have to be around family members that you don't particularly get on with, but because this is meant to the time for family you have to suck it up and deal with it.

Below is a list of things/therapy techniques that I've picked found to be useful:

• Don't let anyone tell you it's wrong to feel an emotion. Just because its Christmas does NOT give people the right to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. If you feel sad, then that's fine, its a completely human emotion and your allowed it feel it regardless of the time of year. Know in yourself that your emotions are valid and normal, no matter the season.
• Keep busy. If you find this a particularly stressful time of year keep yourself busy. There's lots of craft and art things you can do around christmas but if you fancied something non-christmasy, maybe write all your new years resolutions down. 
• Do something for someone else. I find focusing all my energy on doing something nice for someone else a great distraction tool, plus it boosts your self esteem! Make them a Christmas present, plan a nice meal, take them out, help the elderly or the lonely. Maybe even volunteer at a homeless shelter! 
• Treat yourself! Christmas isn't just a time for giving to others, you should also treat yourself, especially if your feeling down. Buy yourself a present, eat your favorite food, watch your favorite films. 
• Plan for the new year! Thinking of the future comforts me when I'm down, the possibilities are endless, and you won't always feel low. Make a list of everything you want to try or experience next year, give yourself something to aim or look forward to. 
• Try to avoid alcohol. As tempting as it may be, and everyone may be drinking this time of year. It'll only make you feel worse! 

These are just a few suggestions and I'm sure there is plenty more information on the internet with more. The main thing to remember is that your aren't alone, there is always someone who feels the same! Help is available if your in a crisis, call 999 or the Samaritans or a trusted friend. 

I hope that everyone keeps well this Christmas. 

Becky. x

Had to share this...

I had to share this quote with you guys. I can really relate to some of the emotions in this and sometimes reading something that just gets how you're feeling can really help. Its easy to feel so alone in your emotions, but its soothing to think that somewhere in the world someone is feeling the same. 

Psychology & mental illness myths. - BUSTED.

A lot of the sigma around mental illness comes from myths and misconceptions about it that have been around for a while. I started looking into it and found some really interest psychology facts as well that I thought I'd share.

Myth- Adults don't grow any new neurons 

Truth - We do grow them, especially in the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory forming and emotional responses. 

Myth- Alcohol kills brain cells. 

Truth - It may not 'kill' the cells by excessive drinking may cause damage to the portals that send signals to the brain. 

Myth- Its better to express anger than hold in it. 

Truth- This is something I learnt about during therapy but have also read about in psychology books.  Expressing your anger can actually feed into it and make the aggression worse. I've learnt that dealing with the sadness that often comes with anger is more effective in the long term. 

Myth- We only use 10% of our brain.

Truth - People love the idea that we don't know how to use our brain to its full capacity, just imagine what we could do! But that's simply not the truth. 20% of our energy is used on brain power, and if we used more energy than then, it was simply be difficult or impossible to do anything else but think! 

Myth - You can tell if someone has an eating disorder by looking at them.

Truth- People with eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Eating disorders such as bulimia, binge eating and even anorexia can look normal in size. 

Myth- Eating disorders only affect women.
Truth-anyone can be affected by eating disorders, regardless of their gender.

Myth- The media is to blame for eating disorders.
Truth- There are numerous reasons why eating disorders can form, from a traumatic childhood, to genetics or simply a combination of multiple factors. The media may effect some peoples views on their bodies but eating disorders themselves are usually the result of many other reasons.

Myth- Self harm is a suicide attempt.
Truth - Self harm is coping mechanism for dealing with extreme emotions. In some cases, self harm prevents the person from actually attempting suicide.

Myth- There is no cure for mental illness.
Truth - This couldn't be further from the truth, there are many different forms of treatment for every mental illness, from medication to therapies, its about finding the right way to treat it for you.

If you want to learn more about mental illnesses and the common myths, check out the Mind website for a whole bunch of interesting information and advice. And remember that not everything you hear is true!

Becky x

Common thinking errors.

Black or white: This is similar to the all or nothing thinking. For example ‘I failed my driving test, Im a horrible driver and should give up.’

Over-generalization: One unfortunate event leads to the assumption that it will happen every time.

Mental filter: Picking out and dwelling on negative details.

Disqualifying the positive: Successes are seen as flukes.

Catastrophizing:  exaggerating your own imperfections

Emotional reasoning: taking feelings as facts. For example ‘I feel fat, therefore I am fat.’

Personalization: Blaming everything on yourself. 

Friendships and mental illness - The break downs and the ever lasting.

Friendships come and go in life and a loss of friendship is something that happens to everyone. But for people with Borderline personality disorder it can seem so personal and a lot more painful. Many people with BPD, actually most mental illnesses say that they have lost friends from their illness.

Loosing a friend because of your BPD

Personally I have lost 4 friends directly from my mental illness, and I know this, because they said. I may have lost more but it was probably sugar coated with less painful excuses. Things like this were said:

•  'Maybe you shouldn't talk to me about your issues anymore...'
• 'I'm not strong enough to handle your problems'
• 'Your attention seeking' 

Some of these were said over 6 years ago, and y'know what? Its still a painful thought. Each and every time someone left me because of my illness it fed into the cycle of me feeling 'not good enough' and then created the fear of abandonment within other relationships. At times I felt that self harm was my only friend, and that I couldn't truly trust anyone. 

So if your thinking of leaving someone with an illness, any illness, please reconsider. How would you feel if the tables were turned? Wouldn't you want them there for you? When they recovery, and over time you will create a friendship that is SO strong that you'll never want to give up on them. 

I think its fair to say that having a mental illness will either make or break a friendship, and it is a true test of how strong your bond is. If you think about it now, how many of your current friends do you think would stand by you? 

The silver lining?

Its heartbreaking and incredibly painful when you lose someone because of something that you can't help. But there is a silver lining...they aren't worthy of your friendship and your'e better off with out them. If you can honestly say you would be there for them but they aren't doing the same, well its time to realise that the friendship isn't right for you. 

Another silver lining is that in these times you really do find out who can you trust. I had one best friend who has been with me through my journey with BPD from day 1. She has never left, never doubted that I wouldn't get better, and she knows I would do the same for her. Our friendship is closer than some of the bonds I have with my family members because I trust that she will be there for me unconditionally. 

Now I'm also able to tell who I feel is emotionally mature to help with my illness and support me when needed. I'm happy to say that I have a handful of friends that I know will help me through the bad days with my BPD. 

How to support a friend with a mental illness.

• Urge them to seek medical advice
• Don't be scared to raise the issue with them, talk about it! 
• If they have been diagnosed, research what the illness is and how you can support them.
• Just sit with them on a bad day.
• Send them texts so they know you care.
• Offer support with doctors appointments. 
• If you've been through a mental illness, discuss this with them, so they you understand

My list of little 'pick me ups' and distraction tools. - Part 1

Over the years of dealing with distressing emotions, its taken me a while to finally find things that can help if I give them a chance. Sometimes all I want to do is hide under the covers of my bed and cry till there is nothing left, but I have to fight that urge and try some other things, with the hope that I'll feel even a little bit better.

So here is a list of things that may inspire you to try when your next feeling down.

1. Watching Ted talks. After a serious break up, I found comfort in hearing stories from people who have been to hell and back and have had the motivation to carry on. Ted has tonnes of great talks about so many different topics that can get you thinking outside the box and distract you from your negative trail of thoughts. My favourite talks are: 'F--- YOU, how to stop screwing yourself over' by Mel Robbins. 'Why we chose suicide' by Mark Henick, and 'To this day...' by Shane Koyczan. All of these and many more are on youtube. 
2. Setting Goals. Having something to aim for or things you want to try is good motivation to keep going and also adds a little excitement for the future. Try a classic 'Bucket list', writing down everything you want to do before you die. Or maybe setting yourself some personal goals, like aiming to write in your journal everyday or planning to walk 15 minutes a day (One in which I tried before I got my puppy, now I have no choice!). Some of my goals include, hitting '700' likes on my facebook page and reading 50 books this year. 
3. Turning how you feel into something creative. Its fair to say that most of my personal work has come from distressing emotions and I guess in a way I have to thankful that those darker times that gave me that creativity. You can channel how you feel into your work in so many different ways, from poetry to painting or song writing. The best work often comes from the most painful experiences.  Below is an example of a photo I took when I was feeling suicidal. 
   
   
   
4. Meeting friends. I have to admit that I have, in the past, found this very difficult to do when I'm in a depressive state. The last thing I want to do it see anyone, let alone my friends, who I think wouldn't understand. BUT over time you get to realise who you can trust and who you can lean on, and there is no shame in asking them for help! In fact they would probably feel very happy to help in anyway they can (and if they don't then they really aren't worth your friendship).Talk to them if you feel comfortable, or just sitting with them watching a film can make the world of difference. 
5. Do something for someone else. Sometimes, by doing something for someone else you take the attention away from your troubles and focus on someone else's needs. Things you can do include: Planning a birthday event for a friend, making a gift for someone, joining a volunteer group (Something that really helped me), walking someone else's dog, write a letter to a solider or sick child (there are a few different websites where you can find different info about this, google it) 
6. Educating yourself or building a new skill. Learning something new often takes a lot of concentration, and therefore is a great distraction! If you find this difficult, maybe write a list first of all things you could like to learn in life, start with simple questions such as 'How many different languages are there?' and when your feeling down pick and question and go find the answer! Other skills you could try are, learning an instrument, researching about the solar system, trying new recipes. 
7. Try to laugh. This can seem almost impossible when your in such a dark place, but deep down there is a strong you, willing to come out. Sometimes watching things that usually make me laugh can at least raise a smile when I'm down and studies show that even smiling can improve your mood. Write a list of things that have made you really laugh before, and I mean, a proper belly, tearful laugh, whether it be a memory, a youtube clip or even tumblr post, write it down and look at it when your low. 

This is only part 1 as I'm sure there are many more things you can do. Sometimes it may help, other times it may not, but even trying is great! 

Stay strong.

Becky x

Self help book review: Katie Piper's 'things get better'

Overview:

After reading Katie's first book called 'beautiful', in which she tells her story of a horrific acid attack, I fell in love her personality and strength. So naturally I couldn't wait for her second book, 'Things get better to come out'. This book is more of a self help book with advice and techniques she used when in the deepest depressions because of her attack.

What's included?

• Techniques she used in therapy.
• Inspiring quotes
• self affirming statements. 
• Stories of people overcoming their deepest pain. 
• Advice on getting your life back on track. 
• Things she used personally to get her through everything. 

Why is it good?

Its an easy ready, with chapters that you can skip to when you need them. She gets straight to the point, and doesn't ramble. It gives you exercises you can try and practical advice. It covers a wide range of stressful situations that we all come across in life, such as break ups, a job loss, death of a loved one. 

What's not so good?

As it covers a wide range problems it may not specific enough to be off that much use. 

Conclusion:

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a self help book that is  easy read. I turn to the book when in need of inspiring words and uplifting spirit.  

Check out Katie's facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/katiepiperofficial?fref=ts

Keep checking this blog for more self help book reviews!

Hope your all well. 

Becky x

Recovery / motivation songs.

Here is a list of songs that are (to me) uplifting and have helped me through recovery:

• Demi Lovato - Warrior and Skyscraper. 

• Katy Perry - Roar, Firework, fingerprints.
• One republic - Good life 
• Pink - Raise your glass 
• The Script - Hall of Frame 
• James Morrison - One life. 
• Ed Sheeran - You need me, I don’t need you. 
• Beyonce - I was here
• Ben Howard - Keep your head up. 
• Eliza Dolittle - Let it Rain. 
• Bon Jovi - Its my Life. 
• Kelly Clarkson - Stronger 
• Christina Aguilera - Fighter
• Lady Gaga - Born this way. 
• Jessie J - Who you are

•  

These are just a few of my favorites. I try not to listen to depressing songs when I’m down, instead I use these motivational songs to help pick me up. 

Classic BPD thoughts...Part 1

These are thoughts that I personally deal with and are typical of a lot of people with BPD and other mental illnesses for that matter.

• 'Don't cry here, you can self harm later...' - Self harm is my safety blanket when I'm in a situation that I can't show my true feelings.
• 'If I get too close, they'll just leave me' - This is the classic fear of abandonment that comes hand in hand with BPD.
• 'Shut up Becky, you sound clingy' - I try to excuse or explain why I may have called someone tonnes of times, but the truth is I'm worried and I think they'll think I'm clingy.
• 'If they don't call you back, they obviously don't like you' - Any other reason can seem invalid
• 'Just be honest about how you feel...but then won't I seem attention seeking?'
• 'Your so stupid, why can't you just be happy?! Nothing is wrong!'
• 'Who am I? How do people see me?' - Lack of Identity is common and not having a sense of who you are can really make you question everything.
• 'Oh no my scars are healing, I'll have to self harm again.' - Once the cuts heal it feels like I should have healed inside as well, but often I haven't and cutting again is my way of showing how much emotional pain I still feel.

These are just a few of the overwhelming thoughts people with a mental illness can experience. In other blog posts I'll give some advice on how to overcome these thoughts and deal with them.


Hope everyone is keeping well.
Becky x

Coping thoughts

There is a list things you can say in your head or out-loud to help self soothe in distressing situation. It may be helpful to stick them around your room or carry them with you. These are all just examples and you can come up with your own. 

• 'This feeling shall pass' 
• 'I am strong enough to handle whatever come my way'
• 'I will survive this'
• 'Will this matter a year from now?'
• 'Everything happens for a reason'
• 'I am trying the best that I can'
• 'Im a survivor, not a victim' 
• 'This feeling is normal'
• 'Ive done this before so I can do it again' 
• 'I can take the time I need to relax while these feelings drift away'

Loosing a friend

It's always difficult to loose a friend, but with bpd it can be an extremely painful situation that can set of future fear of abandonment. Whether you just drift apart or it ends in a nasty way it can have a dramatic effect on someone's emotional welbeing. 

Having said this, it is something we all experience throughout our life. People are busy and time is short so staying friends is a unspoken commitment. But when should we stop trying and accept that the friendship won't work? 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, how many people drift in and our off our lives. I remember being 16 and having a group of male friends at collage but after we left I would try and try to meet with them but it seemed they weren't as invested in this friendship as I was. This has become a Slight pattern for me, which got me wondering what was wrong with me? Why didn't people want to stay friends? I get attached to people and am highly loyal so whenever someone doesn't share this, I'm left feeling abandoned. 

I'm not sure how much of this is due to my bpd or if people without bpd feel the same way? 

Like many people suffering with a mental illness, I've lost a lot of friends due to their lack of understanding of my condition. It's so selfish to leave someone for an illness just because it's  getting 'too hard to handle'. Knowledge is power and if we learn about mental illness we are surely on the way to helping them recover? So I urge you to stand by anyone throughout an illness as I'm sure you would want support if the roles were reversed. 

Having said all of this, it just brings to light the true friends that stand by you and do make the effort. My motto now is that if the relationship, romantic or not isn't equal then it's not worth it. As painful as it may be, sometimes letting go is the only way to stop the cycle of rejection. 

Sorry for the slight rant, my mind has been so busy with these thoughts today! 

Hope your all well. 

Becky x